I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
