that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
