I wish I could punch you in the face.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
