yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
