I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
