Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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