Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
