I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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