so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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