My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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