so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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