she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
