We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
