Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
