Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
