i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
