3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
