Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
