so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
