I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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