theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
