The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We had to coat check the pizza.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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