so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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