this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize