Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish I could teleport
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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