No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
