question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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