Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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