It was confusing and full of hummus
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
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