Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
