i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
