I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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