Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
