I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
COCAINE IS GR8
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
