i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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