meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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