Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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