shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
