Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
