Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
