the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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