I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
