Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
