Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
