The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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