just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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