The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
