Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
