he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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