I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
