you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
