Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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