So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
