The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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