I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
