I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
