I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
