Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.

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(224): View more from Illinois

his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.

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(480): View more from Arizona

There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.

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(281): View more from Texas

I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction

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(914): View more from New York

Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.

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(812): View more from Indiana

After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??

(901): View more from Tennessee

This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said

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